Just got off the phone with my mom. She called to tell me my grandma is in the hospital, doctors really don't know whats going on but things don't look great. Two weekends ago my family and I went down, from VA to NC, its about a five hour drive, just for a quick visit. It was my moms birthday so we surprised her. I just seen my grandma for maybe 30 minutes while we were there. Sad now thinking we were all in such a hurry to rush out to do our own things. Here we are were having fun and laughing together when my grandma hasn't been herself since having knee surgery last month. Why in the hell didn't we hang out more with her, just be there and talk to her, share some our fond memories, just be there? That's a good question now that I'm five hours away without the chance of going down there this weekend. I hate being here waiting when I could be there with my family waiting, at least I wouldn't be waiting for the phone to ring, wondering the hell is going on. Now, I'm sitting here with all these thoughts rushing my mind, horrible thoughts if truth be told, thoughts I wouldn't dare say out loud at this point. BUT really who does know when the end is near? I certainly do not. I wish I did, I would call more often, send more letters and cards and pictures of my kids. I'd try to visit more because hey I am only five hours away, that's two tanks of gas (one there and one back). Why haven't we went more? My grandma has been through so much, she needs to get better, hurry up and get back to herself. My grandma has four children (one resting in heaven), nine grandkids and six greatgrandkids. I remember her being there for me throughout my life, helping me, listening, and just being there. She was there holding me the first day I was born, she stood by my side the day I graduated kindergarten and high school, she was the one buying my cake for my 16th birthday, when I thought everyone had forgotten. She was there to take pictures and give compliments when I went to my junior prom. It was at her house I celebrated marrying the man of my dreams, she held my children when they were born, she cried when I moved away the first and second time. The three years we were stationed back in NC, we had Sunday family day, she'd make banana pudding, and let me tell you NO ONE makes it like grandma does. She will be the first one to buy a present, the first one to brag about her grandkids and greatgrandkids, the first one to offer her shirt off her back and she's the last one to get anything in return. She has battled and survived breast cancer, all the while never once stopping to take pity upon herself. She has witnessed the changing of the world through the changing seasons. She has never stopped, never slowed down and never missed a beat. Her best piece of advice, "Hold your head up high, even if you ass drags the ground." She is not just my grandma but shes a super woman!!! While I do want to go see her, at the same time I don't want to see her in a fragile state simply because that's not who MY grandma is. Here is to my grandma getting well soon, keep fighting and get better soon. I love you more than words could describe!

PS- here I am a couple of hours later, still thinking of my grandma, listening to Reba and this song just made me want to be there next to my grandma like she was always there for me :)
http://youtu.be/8Q9S3cT18Fs