Thinking about what we are made of.......

I'm sitting here thinking of the posts I read now a days, about fathers or boyfriends beating babies to death or close to it. I see mothers hurting their own children or leaving them somewhere. What the hell is wrong with people, why do people even want kids if they are just going to hurt them? When Gabe was born, he was sick, not deathly sick but sick, something Gus and I had never experienced with the other two so it was something new and horrible too. Ten days after Gabe was born, Gus deployed for 7 months, and let me tell you it sucked. My parents did so much during the first few weeks, I don't know that the boys or I would have ate if not for my parents. Gabe didn't get better, he got worse. He couldn't keep food down, couldn't get food out. He'd cry no he'd SCREAM hours and yes I do mean HOURS on end. I remember one day I just met my mom at the front door and held out Gabe for her to take. I would cry along with Gabe, wishing I could make him better just not knowing what else I could do. Gus would call, he's Skype with us (wasn't like his first 10 month deployment where we got maybe one call, no computers just snail mail that always seemed to arrive out of order) but not having Gus there sucked. It wasn't our first deployment so I knew what to expect but once our sick newborn was added in, it was so hard and unpredictable. Some people talk about how great their baby eats or sleeps and I just wish I could share some of those stories, not my horrible stories of the first days. Truth is people don't like hearing about the sick kids, they don't care it seems, maybe its because today's society is so fast track, so busy going and going that if it doesn't pertain to their personal lives than it doesn't happen or exist. Sad truth but still the truth. At five months old, after months of going to the doctors office (sometimes three times a week) I switched Gabe to soy and it fixed his feeding problem, maybe it didn't completely fix his other problem but one was fixed and that's what mattered to me. Gabe went to specialist, to new doctors, to people who thought "this" would work because it had on other kids or "this" shouldn't have happened, well I still don't know the most professional way of talking back to people because hello "this" didn't work for my child and "this" did happen. Want me to put it another way? Hmm no that's the way it is plain and simple. Gabes doctor told me long ago that he probably doesn't sleep because he was so used to the pain that kept him up at night during the first several months of his life. We have tried different things to get him to sleep but nothing helps. And crying it out, hmmm yeah that aint happening. Gabe isn't Gus or Gimo, he isn't the child you let cry it out, hes different. How can I let my child cry it out when I don't know if hes in pain or not? I don't know why he doesn't sleep, maybe his mind is like mine or yours and just keeps going, it doesn't turn itself off. I do complain he doesn't sleep but I wouldn't trade him for anything. We have learned to sleep around Gabe, literally too since hes in our bed, but I know one night he'll be in his own bed and I'll miss having my snuggle buddy close. 

Glasses up.....

So, another online blogger, yep that's exactly what this world needs. I guess the point isn't what the world needs but that this is what I need, to be able to sit here and type the thoughts that all running through my mind. The thoughts that are sometimes trapped in my head all hours of the day and night. I will admit that some of the things you will read are stupid, just flat out dumb as shit, and I wouldn't be writing 'em down if it wasn't for the sake of just getting it them there. So, go get your glass, whatever you're drinking right now, whether its coffee or water, maybe a glass of soda, probably a little too early for a glass of wine or a beer but hey go for it, and lift it up in a toast to yet another online blogger ME!! Here we go my friend.......